Before Class...

It's been a long while since I last posted something...

Summer has been pretty amazing already. A lot of new has come my way... haha :]

I miss Danny, but I'm so proud of her and excited about her journey in India. She makes me wanna be just as brave as she is!

Finals this week...one got cancelled though, so woo hoo!! lol

Life is pretty good, just need a job for the rest of the summer until the Fall gets here, cause as the world knows money is quite funny around these times. sheesh...

Get to hangout with the new lad tonight and like I always I'm expecting to have fun...life is definetely laughing at me this time around...lol

Another Senseless Post

[I miss them more than words!! :( ]

So, it's been quite some time.


Not much has really changed.


Well, with the exception of me becoming busier...


And a new boy.


Who I'm being entirely unfair to.


I shut him out cause I'm terrified of getting hurt again.


And I know, he's not my ex and I shouldn't compare the two...


But how far does one let go until their being foolish and not keeping


their best interest in mind?


I don't know...


He's an amazing person...


But I see him wanting something substantial...


And that might be an issue right now.


It's times like this where I wish I had the balls to end it all.


And not my life, but my relations with guys.


They're a waste...





Enough of complaining to the world about my frivolous woes...


I got shit to do and no time for myself.

...

So...





I'm sitting in my living room.


Alone.


Listening to Michael Bublé. [:





I'm quite lonely.


But I sought solitude.


Feeling that I needed it for a while.


And it was good.


Really good for the first week and a half.


But now...


I'm so very alone.





Hope the summation of this year looks up.


I hope that I make it to the Bay.


To see my best friend


Danielle Elaine Benjamin


And take a break from life.


That's better than my current one.





And to my good friend Soloman.


I'm sorry that I'm being a crappy friend.


You don't know it.


But I'm holding back.


Cause like always...


I'm worried about others and not myself.


Everyone else comes before me.


Everyone else can be happy.


But not I.


I'm sorry if it seems that I'm just taking.


Emotionally, that is.


I'm hesistant to let you give me anything that is...


Concrete evidence of you giving me all this thought


and attention...


And me giving little to no time of day.


I'm sorry.


I wish I didn't care.


I wish I wasn't scared.


But most of all


I wish I wasn't here...


Rather a figment of everyone's imagination.





I didn't get to go to Vegas.


To visite mis grand-parents


Parce que...


Parce que...


Je ne se pas.





I wanna sleep...


My life away.





Happy Kwanzaa

Umoja - "Unity"

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"There's no such thing as superstars; just supernovas and dwarf stars..."

[None]

I haven't update my blog in quite some time...I've been so busy, unfortunately. :/

My great uncle passed today and it was one of the most heartbreaking annoucements of my life. ...My father has no brothers so my great uncle's on my father's side serve as my uncle's...now two of them are gone; leaving only one left.

Calling my grandmother today, she seemed so heartbroken...she only has one baby brother left...but I will see to it that she makes it through this devastating time.

I'm a very private person so it suprises me that I'm writing about the passing of my great uncle...I suppose I write in this thing in the hopes that no one will read it.

Au revoir

Like Sam Cooke Says "Change Is Gonna Come..."

So God has blessed me with a JOB INTERVIEW Thursday at 3pm!!! YAY! lol I can't believe how faithful God is despite of how unfaithful I can be at times...how I sin against him and fall short most of the time; its remarkable!!! :)

I've also been cultivating a lil garden with someone and it has been great...its too soon to say anything, but I think its safe to say that I'm happy with the way things are going and I'm intrigued by what's to come...if anything...

I've kinda been trying to be on my writing grind, but it doesn't seem to be really goin' that well. lol I'll write one piece within an hour...and then have writer's block or a writing slump for a week or more at a time. I guess a craft takes ton of practice and exercise before it can be mastered.

I'm so happy!!! There's so much that I'm learning to just appreciate and take for what it truly is and like my dad say's "Things get worse before they can get better." This couldn't be more true...

Enjoy the rest of your day people!

Peace and Blessings,

-B.P.

P.S. Sia is the ISH! Real talk son! "Some People Have Real Problems," is an album one can loop...Tracks 1-14! :)

Baby Shower...

I just got back from my good friend Xochilt's baby shower. It was great being able to help but that on for her! :)

Jasmin, Amanda, and I woke up at 5:30 am to reserve our spot at the park to throw it for her...We decorated hella much. It turned out beautiful! I'll post pictures later...

But, it was just amazing to sit and reminisce with people that I love sooo much! And play catch up...I realized how much true love I have at home and all the fake love that awaits for me back in Riverside really isn't worth salvaging or worrying about gaining or retaining...

Yesterday Amanda, Jasmin, and I finished ther rest of the shopping for the baby shower and we got a bit to eat to just chill and talk...I miss that about them; we never had to do anything extraordinary to have fun. We were always to make the most of each moment we spent together. That's what best friends are like man! There's no one in the world like them! I feel bad that I don't visit back home as often; but I'm hoping that soon changes...I need to find balance. lol

But seeing Xochilt as the beautiful mother she will be...man, it brought tears to my eyes. She was gorgeous; in her motherly glow and all. It fit her sooo well...its like she was already ready to be a mother; she didn't seem afraid at all or unsure about bringing a new life into this world. It was so inspiring. :) She looked way too fierce and BOOM to be 8 months pregnant! hehe

But please believe I am NOT ready to have kids anytime soon! ...I don't even know if I'll have kids. lol

Xochilt,

You're gonna make a great mom! I love you soooo much and I am so proud of the woman that you have become! You are soooo loved! :)

Here It Goes...No Reservations Right?

I usually NEVER, ever share my work, but I guess I'm trying to break outta that...considering I wanna write a book and all. lol So contradictory right?

Anywho...here's a piece I wrote today; it needs some tweakin', but I'm just happy that I was finally able to crank some stuff out! :)

You can leave comments; critical one's are most welcome! You can't improve without being critiqued! hehe :)

Its currently untitled so if there's any suggestions for a title, spit em at me son! I'll be sure to give you 100 percent credit for the title! lol

Here it goes:

I want to stand at the top of a mountain
And scream at the top of my lungs
Until I become hoarse
And my vocal box becomes coarse
About how much I absolutely…
HATE you!
For each pillow case gone to waste…
Due the mold incurred from tears
Which were due to immeasurable amounts of fears
Of you leaving
In the midst of winter
When a gal is most vulnerable to grieving
Because the late nights grow colder
And she needs someone to grow warm…
I HATE YOU!
For each lie uncovered,
Made only because you thought you loved me enough to not want me find out
It was one more thing you didn’t want me to have to worry about
But little did you know
Each bending of the truth
Rung me dry
Leaving me to be hung out…
Until you felt guilty enough to return
But most of all,
I HATE YOU…
For being irreplaceable
My one and only beautiful surprise
My true angel in disguise
That I will never regain
Not with all the fame,
And fortune this world has to offer…
For this I most mourn
Because you might as well be dead to me…

B.P.